you'll find me in the bed that i made years ago, struggling to find words for what i've felt and done. grapes of wrath, flowers of evil, an unforgiving chimera tearing everything to pieces.

i'm sorry. for all the havoc and pain.

i was sick. am sick. but convalescing now, amid the detritus of a life that once had more order, meaning and love...and now with the lingering memories of someone who is now somewhere else - in a boat, rowing conscientously, towards a better place hopefully.

here's a song that reminds me of them, and their capacity to feel and express love.

other times, I find myself walking in little parks late at night, singing the following song to myself... a melody to commemorate sorrow, felt on observing all the wounds inflicted by a creature lashing out in pain:

this song is called "komm susser tod" (come sweet death), and is sung by Julia Chahayed who i found here on the web. thanks for visiting. in time there might be more here. i'm not sure. till then, you're invited to visit what younger me was like in 2022.